[u need 2 know]
“And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides that it may rise unencumbered.”
– Kahil Gibran
GRIEF is a normal reaction to death. It is a full body experience that can cause physical, emotional, and spiritual pain. For some people the pain is so intense that they become physically ill. The reality about grief is that it is different for everybody. You might feel deeply sad, needing to cry or you might feel numb or emotionless. You might feel angry, act silly, have a huge urge to have fun, be confused, feel guilty or have a sense of relief… all of which are part of the grieving process.
What you need to be careful about is that you might also have the need to try to escape the negative feelings by turning to dangerous stuff like drugs and alcohol, unprotected sex, cutting, reckless driving, etc. The reality is that there is no escaping grief. It is necessary for us to heal, and that takes time. If we try to run away from it, it will catch up — and when it does, it will weigh heavy and the consequences can be huge and awful, worse than what you’re feeling now. So our advice would be to let your feelings out, by talking or by writing. In the end you will learn a valuable life lesson.
What to expect, ways to deal with the pain, and some advice:
- Grief comes in waves each wave gets a bit smaller with time. Go with the flow and express your feelings: sadness, anger, etc. You can do this through music, drawing, painting, photography, poetry, prose, dancing, sports, etc.
- Find positive ways to act on your grief.
- Make memorials to the one(s) you miss: keep a journal, make a memory box with pictures/letters/souvenirs, write a letter to the one you miss, etc.
- Share with friends. Reach out to those around you: parents, friends, teachers, counsellors, etc. Keep those lines of communication open; don’t isolate yourself!
- Keep your routines intact as much as possible.
- Keep making plans for the future.
- Take time to care for yourself! This may sound selfish, but you need to take special care of yourself. For instance: take time to exercise, eat regular healthy meals, and get some rest. If you have trouble doing any of these things, please take a look in the side bar at the top of the page [When to Call for Help].
WHAT IS NORMAL:
- Sadness & crying
- Frustration and feeling irritable
- Needing more time to be around friends rather than being at home
- Feeling like you don’t understand what happened, or why it happened
- Emotional and physical pain
- Needing hugs (seriously!)
WHAT IS NOT NORMAL:
[if you are experiencing any of the following, check out When to Call for Help in the sidebar above]
- Isolation
- Alcohol/Drug abuse
- Suicidal thoughts and tendencies
- Chronic depression
- Prolonged hostility
- Persistent panic or fear
- Dramatic and prolonged decrease in activities and disinterest in activities you once loved
IMPORTANT INFORMATION ABOUT THIS SITE.
It is impossible for this web site to provide professional therapy, nor is it designed to do that for you. This is not counseling, nor is it any part of a psychological or psychiatric contract. As a reader and participant, you agree to abide by the rules of confidentiality and honor the privacy of other writers. What is written, sung or drawn here, stays here.
We offer self-help, which is each of you helping each other with a monitor answering your questions and/or joining in on chats. We all grieve together, as people who are living through this process of death, loss and letting go. We are not professionals, but rather peers. We can walk beside each other, and comfort each other out of our own experience, but it is not professional advice.
What can you do on a self-help web site like this one?
- Sometimes you can offer support and a listening ear
- Sometimes, you can encourage someone else to bounce back and be resilient even in the face of the death of someone they love
- But you alone are responsible for your own growth and healing
